I Cannot Go Back
by gooberbot
Summary: A drabble of a oneshot that I wrote really late at night. Kel thinks he died and runs away to a convent...


It's 11:44 P.M…What inspired me to write this? Who knows. I, personally think it's pure genius, but chocolate, drooping eyes, and an exhausted body (Go Marching Band!) might make my opinion be a bit…blurry… So enjoy!

P.S. _This is Kel's thoughts. _This is Kel's actions. Incase things get foggy, ya know?

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Wiping a tear off her cheek she thought, _this isn't so bad. Maybe I'll grow to love it…_

A loud gong rang through the buildings, to sound off for the morning gruel. Kel put her habit on, and shuffled down the stairs. It wasn't so hard to ignore the coldness anyway. She was used to it, the rough life it is.

She took her place at the long, splintery table and bench, and began to silently eat her mush stuff. Kel tried to numb herself to the fact that the palace food was so much better, and that even though she was a silent person she loved it when all the people around her were shouting (just not at once though…). Another tear subconsciously rolled down her left cheek.

Kel silently got up, soundlessly rinsed her bowl and spoon, and then went back to her room to prepare for the days prayers. That's what they always did. If she could go back in time and meet the person who believed that only silence, prayer, and gruel are what nuns do, she'd kick him (for only a guy can be so dull minded…).

_But it's not so bad._ She repeated to herself. And it wasn't really…for people who never got out, that is.

But she couldn't go back. Not now. Not after that had happened…

Kel didn't even want to put words to it. She simply referred to it as That, and then remembered that she's now and forever more a nun. She'd numb herself to any other thoughts or feelings. But there was always that one drop, rebelliously sliding down the unwelcoming cheek.

_I can never forgive myself_, she thought in the middle of a prayer. _I can't believe I just sat there and watched him suffer like that._ Then she scolded herself and went back to her prayer, the newest tear falling.

Though what could she have done? It broke her heart, knowing she couldn't do anything. She couldn't go back, not after realizing how much it hurt her to see Yuki and know that Yuki's grief would always be greater.

So she had run. What else could she do? Her best friend was about to die, the only person that stuck by her through and through, and she couldn't help him at all.

The great bell struck again, reminding Kel of her forgotten prayers and telling her that it's now Dinner Mush time.

Great sobs pressed against her chest as she slowly walked down the tower steps. She tried to hold them back, but, like all the others, they refused to stay silent. She collapsed against the wall, beating it as if it was the wall's own fault she was miserable here.

But she couldn't go back. Not after she ran. Not ever.

"Neal! Mithros' thumb, why did you die! Why, why, why!"

"I'm not dead," a voice came from nowhere.

Kel looked up, and saw that the gods were playing a joke on her. "You think this is funny?" She stood up and started screaming at the man before her. "Of course you do! Why, oh why do you torture the broken heart!" Kel threw herself repeatedly against the wall, as if the wall was only an ends to a mean.

The man caught her, though before she threw the first blow. Kel looked up into his familiar green eyes, and he looked down into her tear brimmed, hazel eyes. He smiled and rubbed the tears away. "You always have to do it the hard way don't you?"

"How-- How did-- How are you--?" Kel stammered

"I don't really know myself. But you and I both know that if you stay in this convent a second longer, you'll end up setting it to fire," the man chuckled at his own little joke.

Kel tried to will her voice to work properly. "….I'm sorry."

"For what? You thought I died. I thought I was dead. I guess I've just got a bit more 'oomph' than what we both thought, eh?" He paused to put a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She had a million things she could have said, but the one that came out was "Where's Yuki?"

Neal shuffled a bit. "Ah, well, it turns out Yuki fell in love while I was 'dead'… And with my cousin of all people."

"I love you."

"I'm glad, because that's why I came to rescue you."

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You like? It's probably a one-shot unless I get a bazillion reviews. sigh I love happy endings, and best friends.

Disclaimer – I don't own anybody, anything, any idea. I own nada, squat, nil, cero of this. Cept the plot a course. I thought of that. Not Tamora Pierce. Me. My own. I have no contact with her. If I did, I'd sell her this plot. (What? I just told you I was broke!)


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